I would like to share with you a moment in history, it was a Sunday in early 2000 “I have to pause a little, reflect …. how am I doing?…. I think that yesterday was a day where I was left with nothing else to do but lie down and escape from the misery, and torrent of emotions that rose and pushed with a vehemence to break free from the depths of my “being”…..
Outside the sun shone, but all I felt was a cloud burst of sadness, relief, fear,anger, a jumble of emotions, erupted and poured from my “mind” like a turbulent stream running a torturous path. I could do nothing to stop the tears, the anguish…. it was simply a time to “stand still” in my case… I lay down and stayed down…
My eyes saw the lengthening shadows as the sun bid the day farewell. Then in the quiet of the room, there was darkness. Part of me an observer, all I could do was allow the ears to flow, the pain to subside.”
“How am I doing” that was yesterday, this is today (from the same piece written in 2000)
I’m sure you’ve experienced many such moments… everyone does at some time or other. The impact of such a collision (conscious/subconscious) is always a draining experience. A Jolt from above if you wish. The day after leaves me feeling l ike I’ve run a marathon… standing still.
There is no rhyme or reason for such “moments” they are part of the integral dance of life. I long ago came to accept that although I lean towards imperturbable states, the reality of life is “balance” one cannot know “true happiness” without having lived through “sadness”
This is not to say I was sad, or something was wrong, it was simply my need emotionally and physically to shut down, regroup, recharge, revitalize.
Sometimes chaos and calmness go hand in hand….
So…………”how and I doing” …. I’m doing just fine…..
I did my best not to change, rewrite, or even spell check the words I wrote back in 2000. . I wanted to share with you a part of me that one does not see often these days, Its terrible, I seem to be happy most of the time =^_^=, In fact, in and with God, I am very very happy! The road to where I am now, was not always fun, but it was one I lived and loved without regret.
Namaste – Oyashikiri
PL Precept #11 Always be with God
Psalm 23 – The Lord is my shepherd
I Ching – hexagram 52 -Meditation – Keeping still
words/text-by Q copyright Dymoon
dymoonblog 